Global Unwinding: Wind Turbines Depleting Earth's Natural Source of Wind -April 22, 2007

Do you enjoy a light breeze on your face during a hot day? Too bad! The wind is slowing down to a halt. According to a study done by Sherry's Healthy Institute of Temperature in the Environment (SHITI), we are on a path that leads to windlessness. SHITI has determined that wind turbines (which create energy) are depleting the Earth's wind supplies so quickly that if you plan to go sailing in the year 2120, you're shit out of luck.

"The loss of wind is a serious issue that will destroy lives in following generations. Energy is effectively being destroyed in order to create small amounts of power to flush our toilets. Since the body has no way of naturally cooling itself, our body temperatures will continue to rise until our race is extinct." -Dr. Sherry, Ph.D. in Climatology and Meteorology and a professor at the University of UT Dallas in Texas.
According to scientists, the only way to combat this loss of wind is to turn our fans on outside. You can purchase industrial sized fans at stores such as Costco and SAM's. Scientists encourage fan users to have a good power supply. To ensure you have power for your fan when electricity goes out, you should place a wind turbine in your front yard.
Wind is also plays a crucial role in the process of birth. Over a period of 9 months, wind pushes against a woman's uterus, slowly inducing labor.
Finally, the loss of wind can contribute to global warming. "Anybody who's ever been to a gospel church (and seen the women fanning themselves) knows that wind lowers temperature, no matter what temperature the wind is. This is because friction creates 'cold' when it comes into contact with your skin.
It's important to do your part in combating wind depletion. If we don't act now, we could be looking at a hot, sweaty, kite-less world with no ocean waves within the next 110 years.